Perpetua Writes

Tag: 5+min read

  • The True Ending of 9 ½ Weeks

    The True Ending of 9 ½ Weeks

    Content Warnings:

    Abusive Relationships, Suicide, Murder

    9 ½ Weeks (1986) is an interesting film, but the conclusion is not satisfying. It ends rather abruptly, like the authors ran out of steam and ended it early. It makes the whole film seem less significant. Critic Julie Salamon stated it was ‘lovely to look at, but spiritless, a listless coquette.’ reminding her of a perfume advert. The truth is, the best ending of the film was left on the cutting room floor. 

    True Ending

    Reading reviews online, so many people found the ending unconvincing. They couldn’t believe that Elizabeth would just walk away so easily, after all she’d already gone through. They felt that the depths of their relationship was never fully explored, with Elizabeth never being pushed as far as they’d expected. 

    To borrow gaming terminology, this all changes with the true ending. In it, Elizabeth goes as far as she possibly could for John, and that’s it. That’s the last moment of those nine and a half weeks. It has to be over between them.

     The original ending, as told by the New York Times:

    “John convinces Elizabeth, who is totally under his spell, to swallow pills with him, matching him pill for pill. The episode is another of John’s games; the pills that Elizabeth thinks are killing her are made of sugar. The realization that their game-playing had actually come to the brink of death, and that she was ready to die for him is what motivates her to finally leave him. The entire scene, however, was later cut from the movie. Mr. Lyne said that audiences at previews found the scene simply too strong to take. ”It made them hate him too much,” the director said. ”They hated John for doing it. They hated Elizabeth for accepting it. They hated me for making it. It made them hate the whole film.’ ”

    The film peaks in its final act. After all she’s accepted, doing all she can to continue her relationship with John, it reaches a fever pitch. She accepts death by his side. 

    Impact on the Film

    Without this final sick game of John’s, the film is changed. If Elizabeth can leave without the inclusion of this scene, she could have, should have left at any time before this. Of the final film, critic Roger Ebert said:

    “That’s what makes the movie fascinating: Not that it shows these two people entering a bizarre sexual relationship, but that it shows the woman deciding for herself what she will, and will not, agree to.” 

    With the true ending, this is not a film of Elizabeth choosing when to consent and when to quit. It’s instead a film of Elizabeth spiralling down as low as she can possibly go, and finding power at the end of the storm. 

    Feverish, passionate relationships like theirs often end with the same fireworks they started with. Acts of Service by Lillian Fishman and Choses Secretes (2002) have very similar themes. Rich, egotistical men who treat women like their playthings. Women who go along with it, because the men are rich and handsome and this is mistaken for charm. But relationships like this don’t just fizzle out, they have to end with a bang. With a choice between prison (Acts of Service), murder (Choses Secretes) and suicide, sugar pills are the best we could hope for.

    Kim Basinger

    Basinger deserves the release of the true ending more than anyone. She went through hell on that set, being psychologically (and sometimes physically) abused and manipulated by Director Adrian Lyne & Mickey Rourke. Her mental health & marriage suffered terribly. But she finished it, and deserves a great product in return. 

    She’s managed to reclaim her power since then, believing this role made her a better actress. I’ve heard she owns the footage, too. In interviews, she wishes that people could see the movie as it was supposed to be seen, true ending and all. Adrian Lyne wasn’t happy either, but after spending a full year and 1 million dollars on additional editing alone, I don’t think he’ll be trying again. 

    The Daily Mail claims that Amazon Prime has commissioned a TV remake, with Kim Basinger playing a smaller role. However, as I cannot find a single source for this claim, I’m not expecting this to ever materialise. Maybe one day!

    Final Thoughts

    The reason why I chose to write this article is… I can see the true ending in my head. I wanted people to see the finished story the way I can. 

    The first time I watched this film around 2015, the true ending is the one I remember seeing. I know how bizarre that sounds, but I can picture it so clearly. I can picture the actors, the location, the camera angles… I even asked the internet to help me. I thought maybe the specific release was the problem, but this website compares different regional releases of the film, claiming only minor language changes. Another site shows every specific change down to the decisecond, and still no sign of my lost ending.

    Is it really all in my head? Did I fill in the blanks after reading the NYT article, and I watched the same ending as everyone else? I’ll never feel completely sure. 

    But when you attach the true ending, I gladly give this film 4.5 stars.

    Sources

    1. True Ending and Basinger’s Suffering – HOW ‘9 1/2 WEEKS’ PUSHED AN ACTRESS TO THE EDGE – The New York Times
    2. Julie Salamon – p37 Flesh and blood : the National Society of Film Critics on sex, violence, and censorship
    3. Roger Ebert – 9 1/2 Weeks movie review & film summary (1986) | Roger Ebert
    4. Basinger Thoughts – On Second Thought: Kim Basinger – Interview Magazine
    5. Movie Budget – https://catalog.afi.com/Film/68353-NINE-12-WEEKS?cxt=filmography
    6. DVD Comparison – https://www.dvdcompare.net/comparisons/film.php?fid=19929&sel=on
    7. Movie Cut Scene Comparison – https://www.movie-censorship.com/report.php?ID=3971709
    8. Supposed Remake – Kim Basinger is back to steam up our screens as Prime Video commission racy remake of 9 ½ Weeks | Daily Mail Online
  • Perpetua’s First Time: Play Party

    Perpetua’s First Time: Play Party

    Content Warnings

    BDSM, bruising, erotica

    Arrival

    I always find dressing up for special occasions a delight. The ritual of dressing; laying out the outfit, applying the makeup and the final touches were all familiar. But adding this much leather to my costume was new. I was headed to a 1920’s themed kink party, the first play party I’d ever been to. 

    My partner and our mutual friend stayed in an unfamiliar town for the weekend, just for the event. Preparation had started the night before, sleeping with curlers in my hair. The day of, I painted my nails in a hurry and I kept opening the window to hairspray my fringe down. Extra eyeshadow under my eyes and over my eyebrows made my makeup bolder than usual. I reapplied my mascara 4 times. Lower lashes are key features of 1920s makeup!

    Though we’d booked a flat just 4 minutes away from the venue, we needed to dress neutral until we got inside. We’d brought a riding crop stored in my partner’s sleeve, a mallet stored in her tailcoat and a flogger stored in her skirt pocket. 

    On arrival, we were given stickers to cover our phone cameras and shown around the entire building. Ordinarily a nightclub, it held two floors, toilets, a bar, and an outside smoking area. Luggage racks dotted the venue. Unfortunately, we put our bags on the first rack we saw and struggled to reach them through the foot traffic after.

    Space

    We spent most of our time downstairs, in the Sensual & Rope Play Area. There were mats on the floor, a rope suspension frame and a large cross. This was all fenced off from the walkway, with an array of sofas and chairs facing the action. We sat here to socialise and watched people play. They mostly used rope, followed by violet wands, wax and ice cubes.

    A large Impact Play Area took centre stage on the main floor, containing an array of kink furniture. Multiple types of spanking bench, a frame and cross. On the stage sat some sort of cage with a seat which unfortunately I didn’t see utilised. Chairs surrounded the fence for those who were particularly focused on watching, but most partygoers chatted in the neutral zones whilst watching the scenes. 

    Each area was overseen by a Dungeon Master. They were friendly and helpful, answering questions and helping with equipment. They adjusted a spanking bench to a better height for me, and allowed me to attach my cuffs to the cross rather than use the public ones.

    Experiences

    Eager to start, we played in the impact area before anyone else. My partner tied my cuffs to the cross and hit me through my clothes, flogging my breasts and whacking the gap between my thighs with her riding crop. I was facing the audience, but spent most of my time gazing at her. After our scene, we cleaned the equipment we’d used with antibacterial spray from a well-stocked trolley. Once we’d finished, we looked for somewhere to relax.

    We passed through a veil to the Aftercare Area. Inside they’d managed to make a cosy, tranquil space, a zone of peace and comfort. Sofas and armchairs were available to lounge and decompress on. A large table held jugs of water and glasses, bags of crisps (chips) and a variety of vegan sweets. Throughout the evening, this stayed clean and well stocked, never running out of water or snacks. It was truly lovely, and it felt like we played only for the permission to return there.  

    The impact area got really busy, so we went back downstairs just as our friend was starting to be tied up. I knew that rope was important to her, but seeing the bliss on her face when tied was something else. I’ve never seen someone look so entirely in their element. 

    She played with people who’d been strangers a few hours prior. I was glad her charm and loveliness had built trust with people so quickly. It allowed her to experience a violet wand, and she got to take part in 2 rope scenes!

    For our second scene, I undressed further and I tapped my shoulder for yellow. The loud atmosphere meant she was unlikely to hear me safeword, and she couldn’t see my lips move. 

    We used a spanking bench I didn’t recognise. Looking back, I think it required me to lie in a specific position with my arms strapped down, but I didn’t see any straps. Instead, I rested my head on my arms the way people do when sleeping on a desk. It was comfortable, but I stretched out occasionally to let onlookers see my face as I squealed and moaned. I shook my hips in time with the music, interrupted when the pain caused too great a distraction. As we left, I smiled at a seated couple who grinned back at me. It felt like a compliment. 

    In the sensual area, rope bound my friend whilst other people played. I witnessed a scene that I found uncomfortable, finding it too rough and a little upsetting. If I hadn’t been watching my friend I would’ve left. Luckily, I knew it was my problem and I was aware I would’ve really enjoyed a similar scene with my partner! So I looked away, and they continued having a fantastic time. 

    The event had been going on for hours now, and people had started to get hungry. Many of us got by on snacks, but some people were bringing in fish and chips which smelt too strong to be sexy. It wasn’t terrible, and people needed to eat but I found it odd. If I was a regular attendee, I think I would’ve brought a meal with me. We ate after the event around 10pm.  

    For our third and final scene, our friend came upstairs to watch us.

    I was cuffed to a tall frame, with my breasts fully exposed and my back to the audience. My girlfriend whacked me with the crop before moving onto the flogger. I recoiled when she aimed for my nipples, and tried to back away but the frame wouldn’t let me. She moved onto the mallet once she’d had enough of me squealing and crying.

    I knew I liked the mallet, but this experience cemented it as my favourite implement. The pounding it gives feels unique, and because it has both a smooth and spiky side it never gets dull. I watched with delight and anguish as my breasts were beaten. Soft flesh smashed under the spikes as she supported them from below, she liked the way it gripped my skin.  She alternated between sides until I said I couldn’t bear the spikes any longer, and we finished a short while later.

    I enjoyed keeping my chest bare to clean up, knowing that everyone was examining the marks she’d left behind. The bruise developed over the evening, pink and purple spots dappling my tender breast.

    Sorry to Love You and Leave You…

    We didn’t want to make too many friends as we knew we were unlikely to return, but people were welcoming and lovely. They admired my accessories and our equipment, and I enjoyed talking to them. Diversity felt pretty standard for a kink event (based on my experience at munches) with a bunch of queer people and an unfortunately small amount of POC. We chatted to some kind staff whilst waiting for our friend’s final rope scene to tie up. I’d impressed them by spending so much time in front of the audience for a first timer. In truth, my desire to be touched and watched by strangers was what brought me there. 

    As we were leaving, someone complimented a scene of ours, and expressed interest in the tenderising mallet used. The polite response of course, was to let them look at the mallet before promptly offering up my breasts to try it out properly. They were fast and rough, and I was delighted. 

    I chucked my regular dress over my harness, and we walked the short distance home. Removing all my makeup and various levels of underwear took longer than it took my friends to get ready in the first place. 

    If I  lived nearby, I’m sure I would attend regularly. It was a fantastic weekend away and a great new experience. But just as people don’t go skydiving every weekend, I don’t feel a need to go again anytime soon. I got what I needed from the event, and for now I’ll stick to having my friends touch me instead!

    You can find photos of my outfit and my freshly bruised breasts here ($5.99)

  • Lust For Darkness Review

    Lust For Darkness Review

    Content Warnings:

    Abortion, Kidnapping, Rape

    I’d expected to love this game, but a lack of cohesion between the storyline and the setting left me unsatisfied. Being a sex/horror game, Lust for Darkness had bravery and vision. Unfortunately, it required more courage during creation, leaving what’s supposed to be red hot lust feeling simply lukewarm. I believe the sex cult being a static backdrop rather than a tangible setting is what let it down.

    Story

    The game is set at a sex cults private party, held in a large mansion – I was expecting wonderful things. During the opening, I believed they were about to deliver on my expectations! You navigate from a dungeon to a sex room, with bondage equipment hanging on the walls and multiple items of sex furniture including King Edward VII’s famous love chair. This is the game for me, I thought. 

    When you return to the room at the end of the game, it’s all been packed away. The room is empty, which was a very fitting metaphor.  Though you see some of the furniture in use from a distance and cultists having group sex, the unfettered human hedonism I was hoping for from this game feels half-hearted, with the bulk of the deviancy kept to iconography & statues. Sex is treated as merely decorative. It’s supposed to show you the kind of people you’re around, and the environment you have to rescue your wife from. Unfortunately, it’s entirely irrelevant to the story. 

    On the floor of a grand bedroom sits an interesting piece of furniture. It's King Edward the 7ths love chair. Some sort of stacked chair with two levels upholstered in rich red leather. There are handles in various places, and what appears to be ankle supports. It's like a luxury bunk bed for sex. There's a banner behind the chair, with an interesting icon on it. It looks like the transgender symbol, but on the left there is a branch-like arm sticking out.
    King Edward VII’s love chair

    Writing

    The storyline sticks to the basic horror game formula of Man loses Wife > Man goes to find Wife > Horrified by where he finds Wife. He’s just your average gruff, wife-loving sad man, nothing to make him stand out amongst horror protagonists. 

    My favourite detail came in the form of environmental storytelling. She vanished shortly after they’d moved into a house he had designed for her. Boxes were never unpacked, and clocks never set. It was clear how hopeless he felt since losing her – his fridge, freezer and countertop were filled with takeaway boxes.

    I couldn’t understand the villain at all. It felt like they were going for revenge, but revenge for what? They kidnapped your wife and got away with it! There’s a gross main plot point where the villain has aborted your wife’s baby, and inseminated her with their own demon brood in some weird display of dominance & victory over you. As they don’t have your wife’s love, they brag about fathering her child instead. 

    I wish I could say that this is sex being included in the story, but the writers have taken the easy route. Yes, sex can sometimes make children, but show us everything else sex is capable of. It can elicit such a variety of emotions, and a great cult leader would have harnessed those. All this villain does is flaunt their jealousy and try to kill you. 

    Gameplay

    Moving around in this game felt like wading through slime. I hated having to manually nudge open doors, but enjoyed operating the cunnilingus machine. One of the worst things about this game was the dizzying visual distortion. Whenever you’d see something supposedly frightening or shocking (which was constantly), you’d start breathing heavily and the screen would distort and pulsate. Your FOV becomes blurry, and a fisheye lens rapidly zooms in and out. There’s a photosensitivity warning, but appears to be no way to turn this nausea-inducing effect off.

    There’s puzzles, chase sequences and stealth which are all just okay. I enjoyed one environmental puzzle near the end. The puzzles typically require you to form the cults logo with whatever tools you’ve been given, whilst the stealth requires you to locate an item before proceeding. Should you be caught during a stealth mission, a cheesy Oblivion-esque face zoom ensues and you’ll be returned to the last checkpoint.

    My issue with gameplay returns to my issue with the whole game – Sex was not involved. Not even once did the antagonist or any of the cultists try to fuck me. Whilst the voyeuristic cultists would be masturbating in a plush armchair, nobody batted an eye when I’d simply wander around gawking at them. Utilising the stealth mechanics that were already there, I personally believe I should’ve been required to have just enough sex to avoid suspicion, but as long as I was wearing the correct uniform they didn’t seem to mind – at least they respected my boundaries? I’m not asking for the game to be akin to an erotic flash game, but with the lack of sex in the story, at the very least I’d have liked sex in gameplay, something like God of War’s sexual minigames. 

    Standing in an alien dimension where tentacle-like roots climb up the wall, we look through a barred window and see jagged purple mountains and a field of blue. The stars are huge in the night sky, and so different from our own.
    Lusst’ghaa

    Final Thoughts

    Unfortunately, I found this game disappointing. It’s a relatively short game, at around 2-3 hours so if you’re interested in quick horror RPG’s you may enjoy it! However, for all the reasons stated above, if you’re interested in its sexuality most of all it’s not worth playing. Perhaps watch a playthrough online, or the trailer with the funky song (epilepsy warning).

    I’m planning on giving the sequel Lust from Beyond a try in future. It’s better reviewed, so I hope it’ll combine sex & scare more effectively. Whilst this game in particular wasn’t what I wanted, I don’t intend to shrug off the genre nor the developer. 

    I wanted this game to seduce me, to lure me towards this hedonistic cult by showing me the pleasure, power and delight I can find by following lust. It failed to give me that.

    Further Reading: Interview with the Developer

  • Adult Museums to Visit in Amsterdam

    Adult Museums to Visit in Amsterdam

    When I went to Amsterdam, a big part of the appeal for me was being able to visit a country with legal sex work. I was delighted to find that they had multiple adult museums for me to learn more! Here, I’ve compiled some tourist destinations for those interested in the sexy & educational side of the city.

    Note: I wrote this article a few years ago – all of these locations are still available to visit but some info may be out of date.

    Erotic Museum:

    Located in a tall narrow Dutch building, with an incredibly steep staircase and many floors. I really enjoyed this museum. There’s no shortage of things to look at, and plenty to interact with. The interactivity of this museum comes from the many photo opportunities dotted throughout, most of which were cut outs – many of these were actually too tall for me, but since my friend fit I was able to have fun taking the photos. The most memorable area is definitely the TV room, with a colourful mural portraying perverted adult versions of familiar cartoon characters. In here, a group of hand painted toadstool seats provide you with a rest and allow you to comfortably face the television playing vintage pornographic cartoons. I especially appreciated that it showed the spectrum of eroticism, past & present – nude anime figurines included! 

    Website: https://www.amsterdam.info/museums/erotic-museum/ 

    Prostitute Information Centre

    This was my favourite destination of the trip, and somewhere I cannot wait to revisit. Situated off a cobbled plaza in the middle of the red light district, this non-profit provides a place to learn about Amsterdam’s famous red light district from the sex workers themselves. It houses a wonderful little library and a souvenir shop, selling mostly items handmade by local workers! Should I visit again, I’ll be booking a tour in advance. 

    Website: https://pic-amsterdam.com/

    The window of the Prostitute Information Center. There's many posters up, including a handmade sign that says "sex workers DEMAND safe spaces." Other posters include "No photos or filming of the sex workers." and "complaint desk for sex workers. "

    Belle 

    Commissioned by the Prostitute Information Centre and created by Els Rijerse in 2007, it’s a beautiful statue and totally worth a visit. With a plaque reading ”Respect Sexworkers All Over The World” I found it very moving. She’s pictured in the header!

    Bronze Breastplate/Borstplaat 

    A dozen or so steps from Belle, look down and you’ll see this sculpture hidden amongst the cobblestones. A work of art with no plaque attached, often attributed to the Unknown Sculptor. Some people interpret this as a man caressing a woman’s breasts, but I believe it’s a woman caressing herself. Should you struggle to find it, either look for the glint of bronze or the tourists looking down. 

    A bronze sculpture nestled between paving cobbles. A woman is caressing her breast. The nipple has been worn away by visitor hands. Perpetuas red shoe is visible in the corner.

    Sex Museum 

    A large museum, featuring a wide array of art, photography & information. Mannequins were a big part of it, with some representing famous women known for their allure, such as Josephine Baker and Mata Hari. Various museum wings and pathways allow you to meander around at your own pace, with hallways being utilised as extra exhibiting space. 

    What I presume to have been the queer wing (due to its rainbow muraled wall) was unfortunately still under construction, though I really loved the Asian wing, with my favourite items being the intricately sculpted erotic scenes hidden inside vegetable-shaped containers.

    It had a surprising amount of jumpscares for a museum, likely nothing that would cause an accident or injury, but some rather surprising mechanical pranks, activated by motion detectors or your attention.

    What I liked least about this museum was the atmosphere. It’s situated a very short walk from Amsterdam Central Station, right on the main road so gets all of the excitable tourists. I found them to either be out of their comfort zone, seeking refuge in the hallways, or entirely too comfortable and boisterous, groping mannequins. The second group especially made it difficult to focus on reading information cards, though perhaps if I’d gone with a larger group myself I may have had similarly loud fun.

    Website: https://sexmuseumamsterdam.nl/

    A staircase in the Sex Museum. On the wall there are large full sized sculptures of torsos and legs, focusing on the breasts and the butt. They are painted realistically, and appear to melt into the wall.

    Souvenirs 

    Amsterdam, like most touristy cities, has an abundance of souvenir shops though few are worth purchasing from. Many of the red light district themed souvenirs I saw tried far too hard to represent the ‘vices’ of the city. For example, a magnet with a cartoon sex worker standing in the window – but also smoking a joint with a weed leaf on their underwear. 

    Neither of the museums had particularly creative or interesting souvenirs, mostly very generic sex novelty items such as pint glasses with three dimensional breasts, or a mug printed with a model in lingerie. 

    I believe the Prostitute Information Centre had the best souvenirs! They had miniature Belle statues and artworks painted by local sex workers. I purchased a little zine of the history of sex work in Amsterdam written in Dutch, which thankfully my friend is able to translate. They purchased a set of playing cards with a photo of a sex worker turning on their red light as the cardback. 

    Souvenirs from Amsterdam. There is a pack of cards with a red light district cardback, a fridge magnet with an illustration of narrow houses in the the red light district, a zine and a beer mat that says "No photos or filming the sex workers. Respect sex workers. "

    SFW Destinations

    Though the range of erotic destinations are what led me there, Amsterdam has plenty of family friendly places to visit. Here are the ones I really enjoyed:

    • Hortus Botanicus, a botanical garden with a wide range of greenhouses and some great souvenirs options.
    • Katten Kabinet, a museum dedicated to the memory of one particular cat, and the rest of their species. It’s located in an amazing house, and filled with art, sculpture and photography. When I visited, two friendly cats acted as tour guides. 
    • NEMO Science Museum was fun, fascinating and a great way to spend a few hours. I danced in front of a thermal imaging camera, but it was the optical illusion room (Ames room) that really won my heart. 
    • Jumbo Supermarkets. It’s just a regular supermarket chain except they have a fridge specifically for macarons! It’s indulging in treats like that that remind you you’re on holiday, so I ended up buying a box almost every day!

    Did I Enjoy Myself?

    Absolutely! Amsterdam is a fantastic destination for a holiday, and I intend to go back again some day and visit places I missed, like the Prostitution Museum! I found my holiday very  memorable and I think summer was a great time to visit. I stayed in Hoofddorp, which was a bit out of the way but I got to see so many wild animals, including geese and swans raising their young!

    I hope you’ve enjoyed this article, and that it may even help you plan your own holiday!

    Have you been to any of these destinations? What did you think of them? I’d love to hear from you, especially if you know of any hidden gems!

    Next to a road, we see a cycling path. The area has small strips of tall grasses, nature thriving in an urban enviroment. On the grass between the road and the cycle path, an entire family of Geese. One goose stands firmly in the cycle path, ready to defend their partner and 6 children.